Ninja Monkey vs. Funny Doctors

I have managed to injure myself again. While walking last Thursday I managed to tear a few ligaments and stretch my nerves in my right foot/ankle. Immediately after this happened my foot went numb and felt like it was chilling in a bucket of ice. I went to the ER where I met a nice older doctor who decided that my foot was too weird to diagnose and sent me home with crutches and said go see your foot specialist as soon as possible.

I saw my foot specialist this morning. He helped me with a previous injury to my FHL tendon. If anything is ever wrong with my foot I will only see him. I was bounced from specialist to specialist a few years ago and no one could figure out what was causing all of the pain I was experiencing. Within minutes he diagnosed my problem and worked with me to eventually fix my FHL tendon. I did have to cut the other doctors some slack though, since the injury I somehow developed is only seen in ballerinas and I am no ballerina. I promise.

My foot doctor checked me out today and said no more crutches but put me in a very sexy boot that I must wear for an undetermined amount of time. I wish that it was more of a cowboy boot but c'est la vie.
I was thinking about a few of the things that doctors have been saying to me lately and decided to jot them down.

"Your foot looks weird"

"Your foot is puzzling"

"In 31 years I have never seen or heard of that injury before"

and my favorite from today's appointment...

"Your foot is a wonderful mystery to me"

I guess that if anything I keep these guys on their toes. I just wish I did not leave every doctor visit lately feeling like no one knows what is wrong or what to do with me. My ear nose and throat doctor said "you are the exception to the rule I'm afraid" a few weeks ago after trying to treat my migraines and failing miserably and I am still waiting to see the next specialist for that problem.

My foot man said today that he is writing down that I have a severe sprain and nerve damage but said that it was a cop out because that is probably not what is going on in my foot but he needs more information before he can try to figure it out.

I guess I will keep on trucking and hope that they get me sorted out. I hope to one day go for at least one whole week without seeing a doctor. It would also be nice to get a diagnosis from a single physician. I am tired of being bounced from specialist to specialist.

Good night gentle readers. I am off to my bedroom.

Please send me your favorite books and movies to keep me occupied at night when I am stuck in bed with my foot up for the next couple weeks. Tonight I plan on watching one of these...

I have not decided which one yet. I will also be working on some song writing, they might be a bit rough since I am stuck in bed and on pain meds but maybe, just maybe, I will produce some musical gold.

With great boredom comes a great amount of blogging...stay tuned :)

Ninja Monkey vs. Crazy People

Lately it seems like people are becoming more and more hostile. During the last month I have personally been screamed at and flipped off by strangers more times than the rest of my life combined. I find myself wondering if a small dose of the rage virus has been slipped into the water supply of central Ohio. It starts out with people being horrible to complete strangers for no reason and pretty soon we are going to be overrun with zombies!

So here are some Ninja Monkey tips for preventing rage infection:

-Stop and think before you scream at someone, if you do not master your rage then your rage will be your master. The terribly mysterious Sphinx gave me that advice.

-Take a deep breath and realize that you are most likely angry at something else and not the current situation. Maybe work is not going so great, or you lost your dog or your favorite team is not preforming or your grandma was turned into a zombie. All of these things are unfortunate but they do not give you license to be a jerk.

-Find more useful things to do with your middle finger. You could use it to greet people like Mork from Ork, or throw a peace sign or even to put on a neighborhood shadow puppet show.

If you encounter someone who is acting crazy and trying to make you as angry as they are, just ignore it and keep a close eye on them. If they turn there is only one solution....

ZOMBIE DANCE SEQUENCE!!!!



C'mon people now smile on your brother everybody get together try to love one another right now!